Saturday, August 7, 2010

how we got started 11 yrs ago

I'm Lucy and my husband is Pete. We were married for almost 20 years now and still counting. We've been through a lot of challenges. Most of those were resolved without others knowing it. We believe that since we enter into this kind of commitment, we also vowed to heed over the responsibility of our relationship no matter what. Its a lifetime pledge and nobody could best help us except only the two of us. Unless, if the problem gotten really worse then thats the time we would ask for other people's assistance but its gonna be our last resort since others don't know about other issues we have. They may not be of help about that and it would even make the situation become unmanageable. Then, the problem extends outside the parameter that we never expected. But so far, we never had a conflict that brought our sanity into a test- if I may say that way.
When we got married, it was in our teenage years and people know how young we were. I remember the time when we went to City Hall for the processing of our marriage license. We were both wearing a pair of jeans while back pack bags dangled freely at our left arm. Then, the attendant asked us if who's couple are going to apply for the said license and he was surprised to know that he is already talking to them. Jokingly, he mentioned that we don't look like at our legal age yet. Upon hearing it, we just look at each other and laughed. It was unguarded and funny....... but later when we left the office, a reality has sank in. It is a kind of reality that we been contemplating since we got into such decision... that its too early for us to get married and we were uncertain if we're ready in any of the aspects needed to make our relationship work. All we know was the responsibility that we are carrying over a growing baby and the love that we have with each other. It was an amazing decision that opened our eyes towards a number of life's revelations.
As I look back, I remember the prejudice, shame and disgust by the people around us for these had marked a tremendous scar in the way we look at them. And in return, it also had affected the way we look at ourselves as persons. These mainly stemmed from the frustrations caused by their expections towards us, that we fail their dreams for us for getting married and having a family too early than they expected. That we are unworthy of their love and respect and so it is easy for them to humiliate us and throw sarcasms about our situation. We live in a society where dignity and honor are two essential things in order to look good before other people. It was not easy for us who got the baby first before having a wedlock. At times, we were even robbed about our authority as parents to our son because they believed that their parenting style is better than ours. There were even some who presupposed on how short our love affair would last and we can't stand on the turmoil of marriage for many years to come. And sad to say and a very depressing reality as well that most of them used to be close to us.
Nevertheless, as I come to think of it, there was no other major concern we had in the past but only about those people who made our life more emotionally and psychologically struggling. Yes, we had petty fights and minor arguments over little things but we were happy as a couple even if we don't have something extraordinary which we could brag to the world or any outstanding achievements to prove to anyone. All that we have was each other, our son, our marriage and we felt complete about it. Yes, we crave for essential things in life but it was not a major concern for we believed that we will achieve these things if we will strive harder.
Above all, i already forgiven those people whom both intentionally and unintentionally hurt us and I hope we're forgiven by them too. Life is indeed too short as they say and it's such a waste of time to dwell on negative feelings. How we got started as a couple taught us the lessons we need to learn about marriage, parenthood, life per se and most importantly, as individual persons. These enabled us to withstand any possible obstacles that comes along the way, in a journey that we call life.

Friday, August 6, 2010

i don't know which road to go

i am confronted with a lot of issues today about myself as worker. am i really effective or just going with flow? am i too comfortable that i don't wanna leave my comfort zone? or am i looking for something different from what i usually do? these questions are lingering on my mind for a couple of days, months or even years now...
there were times that i could feel intense happiness in line with how i undertake my job. there were also times that i find fulfillment from what i do. however, there were moments of emptiness and frustration. i really don't know how will i put these feelings into words but all i am aware about is that i'm experiencing these things and been running in my thoughts for quite awhile.
i don't even understand myself. if this is about unsatisfaction with my job, then why did i declined two job offers last year and another three just this year? i got excited about being shortlisted but eventually would lose my interest after a few negotiations. God, i really don't what's happening. i don't know which road to go...

radom sentence to confirm in claiming the blog

Sharp wire brushes leave your caviar looking clean

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

As I Journey

I went through a lot in life. Some experiences are considered as the dark chapter which I successfully overcome. I met quite many faces, some were friendly and warm. Others were as bitter as their dispositions. I value my past as much as the present and future. It guides to where I am right now. I haven't achieved yet my ultimate goal in life and I don't consider myself as successful despite on what others are telling me and this is quite disturbing. When will i get to be self-actualized? Does it mean that by then, I already achieved all my aspirations and aims in life? Or does anyone really get to that experience? Man by nature, is not satisfied no matter how much he accomplished. How will he know that he achieved that certain hierarchy?
Well, this journey is never easy but I will do whatever it takes to achieve my dreams without necessari
ly jeopardizing my realtionship with others. As the song goes by Miley Cyrus "Ain't about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other side... but its the climb.."

Monday, August 2, 2010

Should counselors develop their own counseling approach or follow an existing one?

I believe that there is no boundary for innovations and so it is in counseling. It is an advantage for counselors to develop their own counseling approach. They must be open for further updates that would be helpful in pursuing the goal of their practice. However, the said approach that will be developed should be in line with the existing philosophical orientations. It must also be scientifically validated. In counseling, what we are talking about here is how to improve lives and it’s unethical to practice this without a concrete foundation of the basics- the science. That it is just a mere formulation of the counselor’s imagination or aspirations which spurred from an ambiguous reference.
Counseling, as co- discipline of education can be either ruin or make lives. So, it is a great responsibility and a challenge for the counseling practitioners to keep abreast on the latest advancement in the study of human behavior specifically in the theoretical principles of counseling. This is in order to ensure the proper delivery of service among their clientele that would somehow contribute an immense help to our society not only today but also for future generations.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

My Tale of an Office Bitch

I’m a young father of a 4 year-old kid. My family and I live in a town next to the Lutheran Church. I’ve been married for 5 years and my life runs smoothly, I guess. I got an averaged earning job, loving wife and a house of our own. I would consider my life as a something everyone would want to have, if they’re contented with the simplicity of lifestyle. All I am wishing is a promotion. I worked in the company for 5 years now and I never get to step a block a little bit higher.
Meanwhile, to get my story started... It was an ordinary day in the office when I first met a new co- worker named Carlotta Cruz. She’s from another department of the company but was recommended by my supervisor as a document staff in our office. There were stories I heard about her even before she entered our office. Allegedly, the reason why she was absorbed in our department is because of politics. Our supervisor personally like her because a bit of a "bitchy" type girl and there is no female employee yet in our office. But anyway, we can’t do anything about it since we're not in the position to negate against our supervisor. And even if our opinions will be asked, these don’t matter anymore.
It was her first day of work and being a gentleman, I offered her my seat for her to become comfortable in the office. She smiled and thanked me for that.
At first, I really don’t like her because of the influences of tales I heard about her. According to the legend(if I may say it like this), her performance as a worker was terrible. She was a graduate of the discipline I came from but she can't do a simple debugging task. I also happened to overhear some gossips that when she was still a student, she used to pay people for her thesis. Technically, she’s under-skilled. So, it’s quite awkward to work with a person like this. Aside from that, she has these strong features: cat-liked eyes, high cheekbone, and sky-scraping eyebrows and short button nose… Not really a pretty face but she’s a fair-skinned mama, had a pair of great jugglers and with an average height. So, all the guys in the office look on her as a goddess… but she’s too proud about it. Sometimes, she responded to them with a snob or throws sarcasm. Yet, I guess this is just her way of catching attention from the guys around. She’s really not fine-looking but her charm amazes any man in the office. She even looked like our 3rd housekeeper when my family moved in the village, where I’m currently living.
Days had past, and I’m quite sick in the routine of the office. It will only be brighten by Carlotta’s company. Most of the guys in the office would consider her as loud and vulgar but ironically, she’s nice to me. I can’t really understand why she’s treating me like that until I noticed some things about her. She would refuse to go with me during snacks and lunch breaks either together with my other officemates. Her seat is located at the rear part of the office and mine is at the front but there are things that I cannot say in the presence of the other officemates since I don’t find comfortable conversing with them. So, most of the time we chat through IM.
Once, during a coffee break when we munched together over a box of donuts in the kitchen when she suddenly murmurs something to me. She said that I am attractive compared to all the rest of the guys in the office. From that moment, it felt like the time had stopped. I don’t know what to say. I awkwardly responded with a smile. On my mind, I never met a girl who’s very direct as her. Then, I would understand that as she liked me because knowing her personality, she doesn’t give flattering remarks to people easily.
In one instance, we talked about weddings and everyone knows that my wife and I are married judicially. So, we still need to plan for our church wedding. However, she asked me on what would be my dream wedding. And so I answered that I like my wedding to take place in a yacht, performed by a priest whose a friend of mine. With very few selected guests, the ceremony will be solemnly conducted. I also like my honeymoon would take place in a cruise. After she heard my answers, she smiled and said… “ Ahh! That’s what you want in your 2nd wedding?”She was overemphasizing that there will be a second girl for that wedding and its not my wife… I replied to her with a puzzled face and said “What?” Seeing my reaction and seems ashamed about what she said, she tried to reverse the idea but ended up stuttering. It gave me an idea that she wishes to be my second wife. She’s initiating some “motives” and making herself more vulnerable to something else I would not want to happen between the two of us. However, those incidents never stopped affected our dynamics in the office because many weeks later, we became good friends. She discloses herself to me and opens up a lot of things about herself, her friends and family as well. According to her, she lost her father before she graduated in grade school that is why her mother remarried another man. This made her having a half- brother and 3 half- sisters. But her mother died after she graduated in high school. She had a sister who got married at 18 but got separated from her husband a few months after the wedding. The sad part here is that, she’s not in good terms with her step- dad and I don’t know the reasons why. And so she’s living with her relatives from one place to another. I even know some things that are quite sensitive about her and such as having sexual relationships to a number of guys in the past. With these, I developed some degree of understanding and compassion towards her.
And so, whenever I had problems at home, she would console me sympathetically and reassuring me that I'll be fine. Hearing those words from her, and thinking all those wonderful moments with her, I felt something. I don’t know if it’s right but I firmly believed it’s something different- that I’m falling for her.
I had a great time with Carlotta and I know she’s also enjoying it too. Each day feels like I’m in a "cloud nine" when she’s there with me. Our connection had strenghtened. She would come with me after office hours to sip some coffee or dine out in some fancy restaurants near our work place.
One night, when I visited my friend’s store, she's tagged along with me to buy some goodies for her uncle whose leaving the following day. As we traveled, I enjoyed watching her. Her skin reflects as the lights touch it. Ohh… I just love her smile as she talks. Her graceful charm made me feel crazy about her. I could really say to myself that my life is empty when I can’t see her in just one day.
I never noticed that my feelings for her became intensed. Prior to that, my situation at home got worst. My wife is turning into a paranoid. She would accuse me of flirting with someone else in the office or with my other friends and the sad thing here is that I’m guilty about it since I'm actually doing it or more awful than that. It is because Carlotta and I are treating each other as more than friends but we’re just denying that fact.
Carlotta became special to me but I don’t want to get involved with her seriously. I felt something about her but not more than I love my wife as what I'm trying to tell to myself. I guess I was just tempted by the way she carries herself.
A week later, Carlotta told me about her suitor when they happened to see each other between the street of Nelson and Oasis. She said that the guy sarcastically asked her on where’s her boyfriend? Why she’s not with him during those hours? I am the "boyfriend" that the guy is referring. Upon hearing that story, I was stunned and felt numb. In silence, I realized that I’m guilty about that again! I wasn’t aware on how often that we were together outside the office that everyone could see us. I felt sorry for myself and for my wife. My wife had given me trust and love but this is what I’m giving her back.
Many weeks later, Carlotta informed us in the office that she’s leaving for New Zealand. She said that her sister wants her assistance in milking the cows. Her sister said that the place is beautiful and there are a lot of opportunities awaiting for her. Aside from that, there would be a young businessman who wants to meet Carlotta. So, it would be her great chance to become rich in an instant if ever that man will marry her! Apart from that, she is afraid from the threat that she will never get marry when she passed the age of 25, as that’s the legacy in their family. With no hesitation, Carlotta flew to New Zealand following her sister’s request and meet the rich young man.
Above all, I guess it’s a better idea that she left for somebody else. After all, if I would keep her- she might have still chose the rich young man since its something she really wanted in the first place. Knowing that she already lost her parents and being under-skilled worker, it will be her last option to survive. She cannot live without anyone else's money. I felt bad about it because I'll be missing her. There will be no more coffee breaks and lunch outs with Carlotta anymore. No more loud laughs and IMs without her.
Weeks later, guilt is slowly sinking into my system because everytime I'm missing her, I know that I'm hurting my wife. This burden continued until one night, when my wife and I are having a late night talk. I asked her to listen to what I'll say to her. She looked into my eyes and I never felt so much ashame in my life. When I paused for a moment, she asked me again about what that thing I want her to know about. From that instance, it felt like my blood is rushing through my viens and my body got paralyzed. Its like I can't open my mouth to speak. Noticing that my wife is patiently waiting for me, I uttered the first few words about my infidelity, that all of my lies were true and all she has seen and felt were stemmed on a tangible basis. As my wife heard those, she burst in tears unrelentingly for the next few minutes. She can't say or do anything but cry. Seeing this, I held her and told her how sorry I was but she refuses to let me touch her.
Since then, there were days and weeks when my wife doesn't talk to me. It felt like I'm invisible. I felt trully sorry for what I did. I got weakened and manipulated by a charm of a woman from nowhere.
Today, my wife and I are still coping with our marriage. I realized how much I love my wife over a b*tch named Carlotta. Nevertheless, I learned a lot from that experience. I learned that no matter what happens, I’ll always love my wife regardless of her flaws as a person, the same as mine. It's hard to admit but I was pathetic when I met Carlotta. In her, i believe that I might be looking onto something that I can’t find from my wife. I was blinded by Carlotta’s spells. I allowed myself to be blazed by the inferno of lust. Somehow, I realized that she’s only nice to me because she wants something from me… but she failed. I thanked God for my honesty and the will to stop my madness. I thanked God that nothing seriously happend between Carlotta and I. My wife may not appreciate it now because of the hurts that I caused her but I know deep inside her, she believed in me.

In marriage, it is more than just having a wife and a family. It's a lifetime commitment that you vowed everywhere you go and whatever you do. Failing to do your duties as a partner doesn't necessarily mean a "doom" but a learning experience for you to work on. However, you can never gain back the ruined trust so easily. You must work hard on it. Saying "no" to temptations can be a difficult thing to do when you allow yourself to be consumed by it at the start. One must learn to distinguish the boundaries between the dynamics in the office. After all, coffee breaks and lunch outs are temporary relief for survival in the daily struggles of life. At the end of the day, your wife and children are your final refuge.

Actual Date Written: June 2005