though, we may be far away from each other but I cherish every good and not so good memories that we had back here in the Phils… hahahah! such as….the “asaran at pambubully” ” dahil mas matangos ilong nyo kaysa sa akin, ingay, tawanan, agawan ng pusa tuwing hating gabi , chizmisan, seryosong usapan, kulitan, inisan, inggitan, galitan, takutan (manong mic2x), pagpapaubaya dahil di nyo ako kaya…hahaha! (malakas ang backup ko), pagkarga nyo sa akin kapag nakakatulog ako sa sala kahit high skul na ako, and ultimately, thanx for just being a brother to me …

pagsaluhan nyo na lamang etong cake nyo... happee bday to my two manongs... Manong Ian (November 03) and Manong Micmic (October 31)...

I'm so thankful to have you as my brothers. There are no others who could fill your shoes… i became what i am because of you two as part of our family. aside from our parents and manang laving, i owe you my creativity, determination and strength as a person. Love u much mga Manongs ko… I miss both of you... :)

Online Shopping at Home

As a working mom, basically my world revolves around my career and my family. At times, doing or buying something for myself is just so difficult to fit into my schedule. I'm stuck in an eight- hour job during the day and get to travel for almost an hour just to arrive home. After which, I have to cook dinner or do other household chores but it doesn't ends there. I still need to monitor my child's academic needs plus not mention that I have to catch up things with my husband. So, having a late night talk with him completes my day.
A routine like this is nearly impossible for me to go shopping especially when a need arises. However, I found a great way to solve this dilemma and that is through the use of internet. I realized that this concern is no longer an issue nowadays since technology becomes our partner for easy access to the basic life necessities.
I was looking for online shops that cater my shopping needs right from my very own home. Luckily, I found a website that is practically has it all from underwear, slippers, accesories, appliances, gadgets, office equipments and the like. I was also fascinated by how reasonable the prices of its items. It's easy to shop online. All you need to have is a credit card to help you transact Now, there is no more reason to be out of fad because shopping can be just a "mouse click" away.

how we got started 11 yrs ago

I'm Lucy and my husband is Pete. We were married for almost 20 years now and still counting. We've been through a lot of challenges. Most of those were resolved without others knowing it. We believe that since we enter into this kind of commitment, we also vowed to heed over the responsibility of our relationship no matter what. Its a lifetime pledge and nobody could best help us except only the two of us. Unless, if the problem gotten really worse then thats the time we would ask for other people's assistance but its gonna be our last resort since others don't know about other issues we have. They may not be of help about that and it would even make the situation become unmanageable. Then, the problem extends outside the parameter that we never expected. But so far, we never had a conflict that brought our sanity into a test- if I may say that way.
When we got married, it was in our teenage years and people know how young we were. I remember the time when we went to City Hall for the processing of our marriage license. We were both wearing a pair of jeans while back pack bags dangled freely at our left arm. Then, the attendant asked us if who's couple are going to apply for the said license and he was surprised to know that he is already talking to them. Jokingly, he mentioned that we don't look like at our legal age yet. Upon hearing it, we just look at each other and laughed. It was unguarded and funny....... but later when we left the office, a reality has sank in. It is a kind of reality that we been contemplating since we got into such decision... that its too early for us to get married and we were uncertain if we're ready in any of the aspects needed to make our relationship work. All we know was the responsibility that we are carrying over a growing baby and the love that we have with each other. It was an amazing decision that opened our eyes towards a number of life's revelations.
As I look back, I remember the prejudice, shame and disgust by the people around us for these had marked a tremendous scar in the way we look at them. And in return, it also had affected the way we look at ourselves as persons. These mainly stemmed from the frustrations caused by their expections towards us, that we fail their dreams for us for getting married and having a family too early than they expected. That we are unworthy of their love and respect and so it is easy for them to humiliate us and throw sarcasms about our situation. We live in a society where dignity and honor are two essential things in order to look good before other people. It was not easy for us who got the baby first before having a wedlock. At times, we were even robbed about our authority as parents to our son because they believed that their parenting style is better than ours. There were even some who presupposed on how short our love affair would last and we can't stand on the turmoil of marriage for many years to come. And sad to say and a very depressing reality as well that most of them used to be close to us.
Nevertheless, as I come to think of it, there was no other major concern we had in the past but only about those people who made our life more emotionally and psychologically struggling. Yes, we had petty fights and minor arguments over little things but we were happy as a couple even if we don't have something extraordinary which we could brag to the world or any outstanding achievements to prove to anyone. All that we have was each other, our son, our marriage and we felt complete about it. Yes, we crave for essential things in life but it was not a major concern for we believed that we will achieve these things if we will strive harder.
Above all, i already forgiven those people whom both intentionally and unintentionally hurt us and I hope we're forgiven by them too. Life is indeed too short as they say and it's such a waste of time to dwell on negative feelings. How we got started as a couple taught us the lessons we need to learn about marriage, parenthood, life per se and most importantly, as individual persons. These enabled us to withstand any possible obstacles that comes along the way, in a journey that we call life.

i don't know which road to go

i am confronted with a lot of issues today about myself as worker. am i really effective or just going with flow? am i too comfortable that i don't wanna leave my comfort zone? or am i looking for something different from what i usually do? these questions are lingering on my mind for a couple of days, months or even years now...
there were times that i could feel intense happiness in line with how i undertake my job. there were also times that i find fulfillment from what i do. however, there were moments of emptiness and frustration. i really don't know how will i put these feelings into words but all i am aware about is that i'm experiencing these things and been running in my thoughts for quite awhile.
i don't even understand myself. if this is about unsatisfaction with my job, then why did i declined two job offers last year and another three just this year? i got excited about being shortlisted but eventually would lose my interest after a few negotiations. God, i really don't what's happening. i don't know which road to go...

radom sentence to confirm in claiming the blog

Sharp wire brushes leave your caviar looking clean

As I Journey

I went through a lot in life. Some experiences are considered as the dark chapter which I successfully overcome. I met quite many faces, some were friendly and warm. Others were as bitter as their dispositions. I value my past as much as the present and future. It guides to where I am right now. I haven't achieved yet my ultimate goal in life and I don't consider myself as successful despite on what others are telling me and this is quite disturbing. When will i get to be self-actualized? Does it mean that by then, I already achieved all my aspirations and aims in life? Or does anyone really get to that experience? Man by nature, is not satisfied no matter how much he accomplished. How will he know that he achieved that certain hierarchy?
Well, this journey is never easy but I will do whatever it takes to achieve my dreams without necessarily jeopardizing my realtionship with others. As the song goes by Miley Cyrus "Ain't about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other side... but its the climb.."

Should counselors develop their own counseling approach or follow an existing one?

I believe that there is no boundary for innovations and so it is in counseling. It is an advantage for counselors to develop their own counseling approach. They must be open for further updates that would be helpful in pursuing the goal of their practice. However, the said approach that will be developed should be in line with the existing philosophical orientations. It must also be scientifically validated. In counseling, what we are talking about here is how to improve lives and it’s unethical to practice this without a concrete foundation of the basics- the science. That it is just a mere formulation of the counselor’s imagination or aspirations which spurred from an ambiguous reference.

Counseling, as co- discipline of education can be either ruin or make lives. So, it is a great responsibility and a challenge for the counseling practitioners to keep abreast on the latest advancement in the study of human behavior specifically in the theoretical principles of counseling. This is in order to ensure the proper delivery of service among their clientele that would somehow contribute an immense help to our society not only today but also for future generations.

My Tale of an Office Bitch

I’m a young father of a 4 year-old kid. My family and I live in a town next to the Lutheran Church. I’ve been married for 5 years and my life runs smoothly, I guess. I got an averaged earning job, loving wife and a house of our own. I would consider my life as a something everyone would want to have, if they’re contented with the simplicity of lifestyle. All I am wishing is a promotion. I worked in the company for 5 years now and I never get to step a block a little bit higher.
Meanwhile, to get my story started... It was an ordinary day in the office when I first met a new co- worker named Carlotta Cruz. She’s from another department of the company but was recommended by my supervisor as a document staff in our office. There were stories I heard about her even before she entered our office. Allegedly, the reason why she was absorbed in our department is because of politics. Our supervisor personally like her because a bit of a "bitchy" type girl and there is no female employee yet in our office. But anyway, we can’t do anything about it since we're not in the position to negate against our supervisor. And even if our opinions will be asked, these don’t matter anymore.
It was her first day of work and being a gentleman, I offered her my seat for her to become comfortable in the office. She smiled and thanked me for that.
At first, I really don’t like her because of the influences of tales I heard about her. According to the legend(if I may say it like this), her performance as a worker was terrible. She was a graduate of the discipline I came from but she can't do a simple debugging task. I also happened to overhear some gossips that when she was still a student, she used to pay people for her thesis. Technically, she’s under-skilled. So, it’s quite awkward to work with a person like this. Aside from that, she has these strong features: cat-liked eyes, high cheekbone, and sky-scraping eyebrows and short button nose… Not really a pretty face but she’s a fair-skinned mama, had a pair of great jugglers and with an average height. So, all the guys in the office look on her as a goddess… but she’s too proud about it. Sometimes, she responded to them with a snob or throws sarcasm. Yet, I guess this is just her way of catching attention from the guys around. She’s really not fine-looking but her charm amazes any man in the office. She even looked like our 3rd housekeeper when my family moved in the village, where I’m currently living.
Days had past, and I’m quite sick in the routine of the office. It will only be brighten by Carlotta’s company. Most of the guys in the office would consider her as loud and vulgar but ironically, she’s nice to me. I can’t really understand why she’s treating me like that until I noticed some things about her. She would refuse to go with me during snacks and lunch breaks either together with my other officemates. Her seat is located at the rear part of the office and mine is at the front but there are things that I cannot say in the presence of the other officemates since I don’t find comfortable conversing with them. So, most of the time we chat through IM.
Once, during a coffee break when we munched together over a box of donuts in the kitchen when she suddenly murmurs something to me. She said that I am attractive compared to all the rest of the guys in the office. From that moment, it felt like the time had stopped. I don’t know what to say. I awkwardly responded with a smile. On my mind, I never met a girl who’s very direct as her. Then, I would understand that as she liked me because knowing her personality, she doesn’t give flattering remarks to people easily.
In one instance, we talked about weddings and everyone knows that my wife and I are married judicially. So, we still need to plan for our church wedding. However, she asked me on what would be my dream wedding. And so I answered that I like my wedding to take place in a yacht, performed by a priest whose a friend of mine. With very few selected guests, the ceremony will be solemnly conducted. I also like my honeymoon would take place in a cruise. After she heard my answers, she smiled and said… “ Ahh! That’s what you want in your 2nd wedding?”She was overemphasizing that there will be a second girl for that wedding and its not my wife… I replied to her with a puzzled face and said “What?” Seeing my reaction and seems ashamed about what she said, she tried to reverse the idea but ended up stuttering. It gave me an idea that she wishes to be my second wife. She’s initiating some “motives” and making herself more vulnerable to something else I would not want to happen between the two of us. However, those incidents never stopped affected our dynamics in the office because many weeks later, we became good friends. She discloses herself to me and opens up a lot of things about herself, her friends and family as well. According to her, she lost her father before she graduated in grade school that is why her mother remarried another man. This made her having a half- brother and 3 half- sisters. But her mother died after she graduated in high school. She had a sister who got married at 18 but got separated from her husband a few months after the wedding. The sad part here is that, she’s not in good terms with her step- dad and I don’t know the reasons why. And so she’s living with her relatives from one place to another. I even know some things that are quite sensitive about her and such as having sexual relationships to a number of guys in the past. With these, I developed some degree of understanding and compassion towards her.
And so, whenever I had problems at home, she would console me sympathetically and reassuring me that I'll be fine. Hearing those words from her, and thinking all those wonderful moments with her, I felt something. I don’t know if it’s right but I firmly believed it’s something different- that I’m falling for her.
I had a great time with Carlotta and I know she’s also enjoying it too. Each day feels like I’m in a "cloud nine" when she’s there with me. Our connection had strenghtened. She would come with me after office hours to sip some coffee or dine out in some fancy restaurants near our work place.
One night, when I visited my friend’s store, she's tagged along with me to buy some goodies for her uncle whose leaving the following day. As we traveled, I enjoyed watching her. Her skin reflects as the lights touch it. Ohh… I just love her smile as she talks. Her graceful charm made me feel crazy about her. I could really say to myself that my life is empty when I can’t see her in just one day.
I never noticed that my feelings for her became intensed. Prior to that, my situation at home got worst. My wife is turning into a paranoid. She would accuse me of flirting with someone else in the office or with my other friends and the sad thing here is that I’m guilty about it since I'm actually doing it or more awful than that. It is because Carlotta and I are treating each other as more than friends but we’re just denying that fact.
Carlotta became special to me but I don’t want to get involved with her seriously. I felt something about her but not more than I love my wife as what I'm trying to tell to myself. I guess I was just tempted by the way she carries herself.
A week later, Carlotta told me about her suitor when they happened to see each other between the street of Nelson and Oasis. She said that the guy sarcastically asked her on where’s her boyfriend? Why she’s not with him during those hours? I am the "boyfriend" that the guy is referring. Upon hearing that story, I was stunned and felt numb. In silence, I realized that I’m guilty about that again! I wasn’t aware on how often that we were together outside the office that everyone could see us. I felt sorry for myself and for my wife. My wife had given me trust and love but this is what I’m giving her back.
Many weeks later, Carlotta informed us in the office that she’s leaving for New Zealand. She said that her sister wants her assistance in milking the cows. Her sister said that the place is beautiful and there are a lot of opportunities awaiting for her. Aside from that, there would be a young businessman who wants to meet Carlotta. So, it would be her great chance to become rich in an instant if ever that man will marry her! Apart from that, she is afraid from the threat that she will never get marry when she passed the age of 25, as that’s the legacy in their family. With no hesitation, Carlotta flew to New Zealand following her sister’s request and meet the rich young man.
Above all, I guess it’s a better idea that she left for somebody else. After all, if I would keep her- she might have still chose the rich young man since its something she really wanted in the first place. Knowing that she already lost her parents and being under-skilled worker, it will be her last option to survive. She cannot live without anyone else's money. I felt bad about it because I'll be missing her. There will be no more coffee breaks and lunch outs with Carlotta anymore. No more loud laughs and IMs without her.
Weeks later, guilt is slowly sinking into my system because everytime I'm missing her, I know that I'm hurting my wife. This burden continued until one night, when my wife and I are having a late night talk. I asked her to listen to what I'll say to her. She looked into my eyes and I never felt so much ashame in my life. When I paused for a moment, she asked me again about what that thing I want her to know about. From that instance, it felt like my blood is rushing through my viens and my body got paralyzed. Its like I can't open my mouth to speak. Noticing that my wife is patiently waiting for me, I uttered the first few words about my infidelity, that all of my lies were true and all she has seen and felt were stemmed on a tangible basis. As my wife heard those, she burst in tears unrelentingly for the next few minutes. She can't say or do anything but cry. Seeing this, I held her and told her how sorry I was but she refuses to let me touch her.
Since then, there were days and weeks when my wife doesn't talk to me. It felt like I'm invisible. I felt trully sorry for what I did. I got weakened and manipulated by a charm of a woman from nowhere.
Today, my wife and I are still coping with our marriage. I realized how much I love my wife over a b*tch named Carlotta. Nevertheless, I learned a lot from that experience. I learned that no matter what happens, I’ll always love my wife regardless of her flaws as a person, the same as mine. It's hard to admit but I was pathetic when I met Carlotta. In her, i believe that I might be looking onto something that I can’t find from my wife. I was blinded by Carlotta’s spells. I allowed myself to be blazed by the inferno of lust. Somehow, I realized that she’s only nice to me because she wants something from me… but she failed. I thanked God for my honesty and the will to stop my madness. I thanked God that nothing seriously happend between Carlotta and I. My wife may not appreciate it now because of the hurts that I caused her but I know deep inside her, she believed in me.

In marriage, it is more than just having a wife and a family. It's a lifetime commitment that you vowed everywhere you go and whatever you do. Failing to do your duties as a partner doesn't necessarily mean a "doom" but a learning experience for you to work on. However, you can never gain back the ruined trust so easily. You must work hard on it. Saying "no" to temptations can be a difficult thing to do when you allow yourself to be consumed by it at the start. One must learn to distinguish the boundaries between the dynamics in the office. After all, coffee breaks and lunch outs are temporary relief for survival in the daily struggles of life. At the end of the day, your wife and children are your final refuge.


Actual Date Written: June 2005

how dare u?

how dare u judge me wen u dont know my struggles in d past as a wife ... and even f u do so, y are u still denying me on feeling the feelings i have about my intuitions? i can't understand people sometimes... they tend to say something that they didn't really understand... read between the lines... observe and dont be fooled by what they reasoned as the truth... u dont know about people these days... they tend to be more risk- taker, decieving and dishonest...
however, if u tolerate immorality in ur system then, so be it... sooner or later u will realize how much part of ur soul has already burned in hell...

Some Gift Wrapping Ideas

Giving of gift is a wonderful expression of how people appreciate others. It's also a symbolic way of showing affection to those whom you value most. It comes in all sizes and monetary or sentimental significance for various types of affairs and occasions. At times, people give gifts without apparent reason or even without any occasion at all.
Mostly, a good presentation of a gift matters and there's no better way to do that than gift wrapping. Similar to clothes, it marks certain impressions on the part of the giver. However, custom gift wrapping at the malls or craft stores can be very expensive. So, having a good set of imagination and creativity will do much trick in order to save a lot of money. With this, the following are areas you may want to consider in order to make your little project extraordinarily pleasant but doesn't empty your pocket:
(1) Identifying your budget must be the first thing on mind. You must set your limit within the allowable fund to avoid guilt from overspending. When walking along the shelves of good crafting materials, you must always think of what you need for your project in a particular time and not about for future ones. It might not be used and will just add up to your " later to use" clutters.
(2) Knowing what materials to use is also another factor to consider. Having a list is very helpful especially when you tend to forget small details of your project. It can be time consuming if you go to the craft's store without previously identifying what stuff you need. You must plan ahead at least a day or a few hours before crashing off the store to avoid buying the wrong or unnecessary materials for it.
(3) It is important as well to know the gender and personality of the receiver. These will determine the design of your project. A floral and pink design may not be applicable to a male reciever. Its either he or you will be embarrassed during the occassion. If you lack information about the person you're planning to give your gift, it is vital to ask from available resources (relatives, colleagues, classmates or friends).
(4) A motif/theme affects the mood of the occassion. It conceptualizes the whole experience of it. And you should match your gift wrapping design to it. Colors play a significant element of the motif/theme. It can make an impact to your gift. Hence, you should choose the right ones for the occassion and gender of the receiver.
(5) Think about "out of the box" ideas. It doesn't necessarily mean that when it comes to gift wrapping, you can solely use papers and ribbons. Don't be afraid to try out other unconventional materials. Beads, feathers, flowers, stones, fabrics or even metal pieces can do magic as accents and focal points for it. Glass bottles, sea shells, wood, fruit's husks can be the outstanding ideas as gift containers other than a simple lame cardboard box. You can also recycle some materials you'll find in your whymsical craft box. This saves a lot of pennies.

Nevertheless , it's anything goes when it comes to gift wrapping. The world is a big canvass to work on. Explore or play with it and you'll be amazed of what you can do! Regardless of how you labor or spent for your project, it is always essential to do it whole-heartedly and not just to impress others. After all, your gift will be delightfully accepted no matter how big, small or how it is made.

ADDU CAT Class of 2010-11 Silent Drill

This morning I witnessed a silent drill performed by the Ateneo de Davao High School CAT, Class of 2010 in celebration of the Feast of St. Ignatious de Loyola. The latter is the founder of the Jesuit education. In the Philippines alone, there are eight universities and hundreds were established abroad.
Its my third time to attend such important event of the Ateneans in Davao City. Everyone was excited as they march at the ADDU Sports Complex. Parents, administrators, teachers, students played as spectators. Some were cheering as they execute the different military gestures and movements. I'm impressed about their uniform. Most of the colors are showcasing the "true-blue" Atenean color. However, i would consider the performance as fair because it lacks syncrocity, speed and accuracy. I also sighted a number of errors.
I believe that they still need to practice more to do such thing. Errors might not happen if they have enough time to prepare. For me, however, silent drill is more than just showing off the syncronicity of the movements or the cost and aesthetic value of their uniforms. Its a conviction of being a Filipino soldier which affects the way he/she disposes him/herself to the public. The movements are very indication of how committed they are in undertaking their duties. These students are the potential leaders of our country. Therefore,the school must make an intensified program for them. Finally, I still congratulate the ADDU CAT Class of 2010-11 for taking part of the Ateneo de Davao History.

the struggles of selective mutism

All of us are facing daily challenges. It only differs in the gravity and levels depending on how we handle the situations that life is offering us. As an educator and a formator, I'm concerned about the cases of referrals in my office. These are students that need to be closely monitored from time to time.
Few of the cases that i'm handling right now are AD/HD, oppositional defiant disorder, stealing and the most challenging is selective mutism (SM). Based on the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-IV), selective mutism is described as a rare psychological mental disorder in children. Children and adults with the disorder are fully capable of speech and understanding language, but can fail to speak in certain social situations when it is expected of them. It is in presentation an inability to speak in certain situations. They function normally in other areas of behavior and learning, though appear withdrawn and some are unable to participate in group activities. As an example, a child may be completely silent at school, for years at a time, but speak quite freely or even excessively at home (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_mutism).
My student has suffered in this disorder for more than two years now since she was enrolled in our school in 2008. I met her a month ago. At first, I didn't realize that she has SM because she greeted her former guidance counselor together with her elder sister as they sneaked on her office. It was only a few minutes later after they left when my officemate told me that she has SM and she's going to be one of the cases I'll handle this school year. I was amaze for she could speak to us freely. And so, I set an appointment with her previous counselor and she relayed everything to me regarding her condition.

She only speaks at home and in most of the public places except in school. If ever she does, it will be a very rare instance and it is with those people whom she trusts specifically those who were/are not her teachers (sister and best friend). I also scanned on her records and discovered that her IQ is superior but her actual performance is only an average. This clearly shows that she's underachieving from her actual intellectual capacity which is superior. It maybe due to her condition because a number of learning opportunities are missed since social skills and communication are major issues in school if one wants to cope with academic demands. I also learned that she has a "trauma" on the school she previously enrolled and this affected her views about it. Bullying and teacher-factor are few of the major concerns she had experienced in that school. Her emotional coping is very low and underdeveloped. This shows on how she manages herself in social situations especially in dealing with difficult scenarios. Based on her records, she was 7 months younger than her age group when she started schooling. However, we could say that her age could be one factor on why she has poor emotional coping. This is a kind of struggle which she might carry until she reaches adolescence and worst yet, in adulthood if not given an immediate help.

As part of the intervention, I went on a meeting with her subject teachers and class moderator. We discussed about the matter and came up with a plan to help her overcome SM. I also referred her to a counselling psychologist for an assessment and I found out important details in the results of her tests. I can’t reveal the entire and actual results here due to issues on confidentiality. However, it is suggested that in dealing with her, people must treat her with utmost care in terms of giving instructions and conversing with her even if she doesn’t talk. There might also be other activities that I’ll be giving which would largely involve her family, friends, classmates and teachers.

Meanwhile, I called her the other day for another session in my office and she mentioned to me about an oral test that she will undertake a few minutes after our session. So, I took that opportunity to make her realize that it’s okay to talk and presented her some possible consequences. I set a goal for her and she agrees to it freely.

On the night of the same day, I receive an email coming from the teacher who gave her the oral test and reported to me how successful it was. Though, she was still accompanied by her sister during the test, she was able to answer the questions asked by her teacher verbally. Hence, this is considered a progress in her condition. I’m so happy to know that our intervention had helped her in some way. I’m hoping that this improvement will continue and eventually she will recover from this dark phase of her life.

the bed... in my dream

its been quite awhile that i haven't touched my blogspot account when i started drafting this post. it creeps me off whenever i remember this experience that i am about to unveil which happened more than a month ago now.
its a usual schedule during summer to have an annual retreat for school staff before the school year starts. this time, its at "saloma sa kinaiyahan", situated in catalunan grande, davao city which is owned by the franciscan sisters. however, i thought everything will be just any ordinary retreat i attended before until one haunting, unforgettable night.
it was my first night of stay at the place when this thing happened. we were four in a spacious room with seven beds and two wardrobe cabinets at each end. it was humid so we had a hardtime sleeping. at 9 o' clock, i did my usual night rituals and also had a few short conversations with roomates before i began to close my eyes. because i'm not used to that kind of temperature, i occasionally wakes up in between. my bed was situated just below the window. it's facing the side part of the cabinet which is placed before the door. my other roomates' beds are arranged on the other side of the room. therefore, i'm alone at my area. after a number of sleeping interruptions, i finally sublime to sleep and dreamed.... but it was a terrifying one. almost brought me to danger.
in my dream, i saw myself woke up but got annoyed because it felt like someone is attemting to touch my hair. i could only see his/her hand. i'm not even sure if its a male or a female. as i avoid the intruder, i didn't noticed that i crazily turned around and ended up at my other roomate's bed. then, i woke her up and asked me about what happened to me but i can't answer her. it seems that my lips were sealed and no voice could come out from my mouth. when i looked back to my bed, i was surprised to see that its already positioned parallel with the window. i also noticed that there were three angry faces looking at me, almost similar to masks worn during festivals or religous rituals by ethnics. that time, i felt fear and wanna scream or run but i can't do it. it seems my feet were also glued on the floor. something stops me. then my other two roomates woke up too but all of them left the room. i was alone then and started to move back. overwhelmed with horror thoughts, i ran as fast as i could along the corridors without any directions, silently crying. i tried to find my roomates but they're gone. then, suddenly, i wasn't aware that i was heading towards the comfort room at the groundfloor, just below our room but eventually went out. i also tried to leave the retreat house when i realized that i was in the street. it's wet and seems like it just rained. i continued walking when i noticed some live wires along the way. so, i carefully stepped over those. and from a distance, i saw the building of power plant in our town. then, beside it is the retreat house where i came from. i really don't know what happened but its like something is pulling me to go back to that house without being resistant. i was thinking of nowhere to go but only to that place. so, i finally got inside and as i step on the gate, i realized that i'm at the door of my room where i stayed for the retreat. suddently, i heard someone crying and recognized it as my son's voice. i slowly opened the door and confirmed that it was indeed my son, lying across the bed, crying. his position on the bed seems forming like an inverted cross. upon seeing it, i didn't believe that it was my real son right away. when i checked on his eyes, i noticed that those were sharp and pointed and he's also wearing a grinning smile. and it somewhat demonic in the way he stares at me. so frightened about what i discovered, i stepped backward, feeling helpless and crying... but without being aware about it, there was still a little courage left for me which made me repeatedly uttered the name of "Jesus! God help me! God!. all of the sudden, the child stood up from bed and quickly walked away heading towards the other side of the room and eventually lost in my sight. i was still standing at the door step when the door is slowly closing and pushing me out of the room. afterwards, i woke up. still afraid and exausted with sweat all over my face and neck but somewhat felt relieved that i had escaped from that terrifying dream.
the following morning, i relayed my experience to my roomates and they were surprised to hear it. they thought about theories on why such thing happened to me. one angle that we digged into is about the bed. earlier in the morning of the first day, i got the extra mattress of the bed on the other side of the room and piled it on my mattress. i did it to make myself more comfortable in sleeping since it will not be used anyway. my roomates told me that in some way i took something that is not supposed to be for me and didn't asked any permission to do so. there might be some elements or spirits who dwelled on that bed which were disturbed about what i did. oh! how careless i am if that theory is true. consequently, when i was taking a nap on that same bed, one of my roomate made a ritual to drive away the mentioned spirits.
now, i still have a chill whenever i recall that experience. yet, i could never imagine how great the power of God's name. i can't also help bringing in mind the bible verse and prayer, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me" (Psalm 23:4).
Above all, i thank all those who prayed for me earlier on that day prior to the incident. i asked their prayer of healing and guidance for my entire retreat experience. and i am happy that they did. because of their effort, i was saved. God is my savior. He is the only one who could save me from the wrath of evil and in the midst of danger.

generous heart...

my lips are cold... since words are futile... for i already said what i wanna say but he never listens. my mind is tired in thinking about us... about our promise... but i believe this already been long broken...

he stares like he doesn't know me anymore... his glances are not mine now... his hand held mine but its never the same as before.... and his touch, his tender touch no longer exalts my soul...

then, silence caught us... but it feels like its never solemn... my heart is telling me to let go for there's no use to fight for what i felt... when his heart is so generous... for he loves another... then another... then another...

i don't wanna go for this neverending journey of pain and i'm hoping that everything will go well... he deserves someone who is very much like him... someone who has a generous heart as well... =)

emptiness

sometimes in our lives, no matter how we make an effort to put things into order... there is always a moment of emptiness... it feels like a vacuum that pulls you down to uncertainty... a doubt that consumes your judgment and it could even test your disposition... affecting how you see the world and others. it's beyond being unhappy... and when this thing happens, everything turns round and round. it becomes more confusing as it started.
but i believe there's no more to argue about this. everything happened for certain damn reason as they say. the process of accepting can be unexplainably hurtful... but rewarding. well, even if things worked differently in a way you wanted, you would still end up like this... torn... because you can't stop things from happening... and you can't control some people from hurting you if you allow them to rule your life at the start. you can tell them how the pain had paralyzed you but you can never demand anything more than that........ yes... maybe, these made me empty...

What Does Silence Brings?

I felt what I suppose to feel, said what I suppose to say… done what I suppose to do...

Now, what? Well, I believe that the next move is to wait until things will finally come into its place, by being silent.
This is one way of saving one's ego. Rushing over heightened emotions can be damaging to oneself or to the people around. Sometimes, by being silent, one can be enlightened about certain issues. It is also a way of civilly dealing with conflicts. However, this doesn’t work in the long run. So, through implicitness about certain things, it doesn't mean to shun oneself from verbally communicating it to the person concerned. It is just the postponement of one's thoughts and emotions in a particular experience to have a room for introspection. This allows an individual to evaluate and look back from his/her experience. Eventually, the relentless issues will re-emerge and there’s no other means of stopping it from bugging but to deal with it and face it with courage and prudence. If that day comes... when silence becomes a deafening aspect of the relationship's phase, at least one has discerned about the said concerns while any possible areas of it are clarified and explored. Purposely, this is an important process of making a sound judgment. Therefore, it is never wrong to be once in a while silence oneself towards concerns because maybe one might just need a little time to think things over... =)

More Than Just Pictures

I love to take pictures and I usually post these in my cyber social network accounts. These pictures are about the different events and milestones in my life. Parties, gatherings or even “sweet nothings” with friends and relatives are no exemption. No matter how embarrassing it can be, I’m not afraid to show it to anyone that I had experienced pure bliss with those people I care and love. At times, it is nostalgic since it brings back my feelings from that very instant it was taken. Whenever I take a glance of it, my heart leaps with excitement and it seems like retelling the wonderful moments I had from that event.

As a picture bestows delightfulness to my spirit, however, it can also make me feel sad, agitated or even cry for it reminds me of certain individuals and undertakings concerning it. Particularly, if the person in it is someone I don’t like or is involved to certain issues I am facing, it allows my repressed feelings to come into my awareness.

On the other hand, for some people, pictures are used as a medium of art and beauty, a perspective about the world and its surroundings or simply an expression of what they believe of who they really are. I got to see my friend's works and I find it very overwhelming. Each image has its own story to tell, a view to discuss or something to constructively criticize. However, one common element that I could see is passion and photography has taken into a different level.

There are numerous ways on how pictures have become a significant tool for depiction of self and the world. Therefore, I believe that these are not just mere images of people, things or events… these are imprints of the relationship's dynamics, feelings, perspectives and experiences which people are considering as treasures of time.

Music and Me

It’s a usual thing on a Saturday to have a half day of work in the office and the first thing in mind the moment I arrive there is to turn my pc on and sets up the speakers for another music tripping. I like to start my day humming or accompanying my favorite songs as I carry out my tasks. This helps me ease out my mood from a stressful traffic jam before coming to the office.

Most of my song choices are not something really new. I’ve been hearing these for the past 12-15 years on air. The Corrs, Jewel, The Lighthouse, Mariah and Selena are “a must” in my most wanted song list. I also like some local bands such as Mymp, Side A, Rivermaya, E-heads and others even though most of those which I mentioned do not anymore exist nowadays but their music continues to live on. Nina, Sarah, and Leah Salonga are the “divas” whose voices I really admire and I’m trying to mirror them in terms of styles in singing.

Whenever I feel like lonesome, I would listen to classical, instrumental and christian songs such as Jim Brickman’s, Josh Groban’s, Casting Crows, Enya or Gregorian’s chant. I’m also fond of bossa, jazz or country pop which usually appear in my videoke shindigs with my family and friends whenever, wherever. Mariȇ Digby and Colbie Calliat amuse me with their genres while Beyoncȇ, Lady Gaga, Rhianna astonish me with their crazy dance moves in wild pumping beat.

By the way, let me tell you a brief history of this music madness. It’s too long to account everything here so, I might only mention a few details. All of us in the family loves to sing. My parents are both musically inclined. They actually inspired me to love it too. According to them, we came from a clan of musicians and singers particularly at my father side. Some of our relatives are jazz musicians and singers here in Davao. Few of them occassionally plays or sings overseas. I remember in a reunion that all of us sang while my uncle played the piano. Their voices are compared to performers on TV.

When I was young, I would listen to my parents as they croon for Frank Sinatra’s and Matt Monroe’s. My two big brothers are also crazy about new wave. A lot of people don’t know that Manong Micmic’s voice, the eldest among the siblings sounds like a pro. Manong Ian who is next to him is funny and more outgoing so he’s usually the first one to initiate our videoke sessions. He is a die hard fan of Martin Nievera. However, Manang Loving, my only sister likes jazz and mellow songs.

When I was 12, my music teacher urged us in the class to sing or else we’ll fail in his subject for the finals. That was the first time I sang in public. On the other hand, I was too shy to express my interest in music during high school years so, I just sing for my friends or for class activities. In college, I like to hang out with a guitar or with MTV’s during weekends. However, my friends told me to audition for “Carillion”, a glee club in school where I studied and so I did and luckily I got accepted as S2 (Soprano 2). Shortly, I also entered in “Sub-dom 7”, the school chapel’s choir. I believed then that through the involvement in these types of groups it would help me boost my self- confidence and uplift my self-esteem. Well, it’s a typical issue among teenagers. It’s the need to prove something for themselves and for the people around them... in order “to belong”.

My obsession about participating in various singing groups never stop until I joined the “Himig Singers”, a choir group outside the school community that had won a number of awards and recognitions in choir competitions both emerging in local and international affairs. I was one of the two youngest members in the group. Most of them are professionals and would go to the practice after office hours. I would remember having sessions for twice a week and still up until 11:00 pm until 12 :00 midnight just to finish a few pieces. And as far as I could recall, when I started that time, the group was aiming for a competition at Florida, USA in six months time. I never knew how big the group was until I finally got to work with them for a few months. I was with them for barely 5 months due to my class schedules and other personal matters. Hence, from that short period, I learned the value of discipline, commitment and cooperation. No matter how painful or lowly life can become and no matter how you view the impossibility of things, there’s no reason to not to persevere and reach for your goal.

As I looked back, I may have few regrets for not pursuing at “Himig” but what is important now is that it somewhat answered my questions about myself and in life per se. Sometimes, there are life events which give you the “kick” that you need to stay on track. Everyday is a learning day as they say and many of these come with experiences that would surely bring you into a loft. Maybe, it’s for the purpose of showing you a closer picture on the things which you don’t previously understand. Oh how I just love my life… it’s full of rich experiences that brought me to where I am right now and not to anywhere else.

I thank God for giving me the love for music. Without it, life for me is dull and ordinary for sure. Have a nice music tripping day!

craziness about "miss you like crazy" (,")(",)

it was about two weeks ago when i first saw the trailer of the movie, "miss you like crazy" starred by two of the philippine's most popular actors and actresses in the movie industry, john lloyd cruz and bea alonzo. i'm not really a fan of them but i just like the themes of their projects... and of course, it's all about love. so, me and my long time friends since high school ( rose, liza and jinky) got an idea to watch the movie. as always, i had a great time with them despite the adventures that we've been through before we could finally sit and calm down. we just laughed at those experiences because what is more important for us that moment is to view the film by hook or by crook. Consequently , at the front row of the movie house, we found our seats with our heads positioned slightly upward towards the big, overwhelming wide screen in front of us. i just can't imagine on how we might handle it if we failed to buy the tickets beforehand. we might otherwise postpone the viewing until the last full show at 10:30 pm or decide to go for another schedule and the worst that could happen, we might not anymore watch it. I guess it's too much for us to bear if those things would happen. we seemed anxious at the start but smiles and laughter later bloomed as the excitement rises upon watching the movie. some of us even cried because a number of the scenes had touched us . perhaps, it was about at some point in our lives when we missed someone that we love but never had a chance to have a happy ending with that person. alternatively but plainly, it could also about bea and lloydie's styles in acting . those were effective enough to let us shed some tears.
the movie's plot is simple. the boy meets the girl in an unexpected instance. they got to know each other, discovers each other's differences and similarities and eventually, they fell in love. however, they were prophecized to be together eternally on feb 24, 2010. but the boy is not available for her because he had already someone else. so, they parted ways and after a few years, destiny drew them again together . despite the complications of their situations, they still managed to admit to themselves that they are crazy in love with each other after all those years. at the end, love ruled and they live happily ever after.
on the other hand, one of the quotes in the movie that really struck me is "in love, time is meaningless because it has its own time". i do believe in this idea. you can never hurry love. it moves mountain and it crosses rivers. no matter how bad the circumstances are, no matter how complicated life is and no matter how you deny it... it will go to you and hunt you down.
personally, i would always tell this to myself that its really wonderful to fall in love. so, the moment it hits you, make the most out of it to the person you love. you'll never know if you dont pay attention to it, you might blow your chance.

Pets, Pets and More Pets

My son wanted to have an early dinner before the sun comes down. So, I grab some cash to buy something to cook for him at the market which is a couple of meters away from our village. When I went back home, I heard little voices arguing about something they just found. The voices came from the opposite side of the road. I saw four little girls of about 7-9 year olds. One of them is riding a bike but was just following the others by slowly pedalling it. Afterwards, I noticed that the other girl had a small pink sling bag. It was opened and I was surprised to discover that what was inside in it is a kitten, an orange, chubby tabby kitten about a week old. Then, I realized that all the while, the girls were arguing on who among them is going to adopt the kitten. They found it at the park in our village as what I overheard on their conversation.

I remember that I still have to do something so, I just continued walking but I was laughing on my mind. It feels nostalgic as I said to myself because I cannot help but recall the same scenario when I was at their age. It refreshes a lot of memories in my childhood years. Those times when my family’s life was so simple then. We were living with tamed and untamed animals. I grew up loving the pets especially cats. As a little girl or even during my teenage years, there were times that I picked up stray cats and kittens along the road as I’m heading for home from school. I don’t mind touching dirty ragged poor animals along the streets. I would gently comfort them so that I could eventually bring them home. My mother was my biggest influence on that. She also loves animals. Our house was once like a zoo. A variety of creatures were there such as martinis birds, cats, dogs, chickens, pigs, guinea pigs, rabbits, roosters, monkey, and not to mention, the turtles. My brother also tried to tame fruit bats since he likes exotic animals.

Now, I understand how these experiences had taught me to be compassionate towards animals even at an early age. It helped me develop a positive regard towards pets. Pets just simply make me happy from the daily stressors or shortcomings. They don't fail to put a smile on my face, a smile generator as I would say.

Pets are like a family to me. It was never an instant that we dont have animals in our backyard. There's always a place for cats around, meowing or for dogs, barking. It is quite silly for others who doesn't like animals. They might even take it as odd but as for me, it is something that I can't live without just like a family member does.

Life, Struggle, Attitude and Choice

Life is a constant struggle
that is a natural flow of both disguise and flaunts… It comprises both bliss
and mourning… Your attitude towards life depends on how you view it.

How you appreciate, despise, succumb
or rebel to every phenomenon it brings to your reality is an innate response
from what you believe is the truth… However, no matter how hard life is-
there’s always a reason to celebrate its mystifying character, madness and
enormity…

Thus, either by choice or consequential
determination of possibility…life continues to add color to human existence…

Before I Was a Mom...

Before I was a mom…

I didn’t know how it feels to see another being coming out from me… hearing his first cry and seeing his first breaths

I didn’t know how it feels to feed a baby every 2 hours, wake up in the middle of the night just to sing a lullabye until the child succumbs to sleep…

I never experienced being peed while a child is on my lap…as he innocently plays with my hair and touches my face

Before I was a mom…

I never experienced smiling over simple joys that my child brings

I never thought of immunizations, trusted pediatrics and brands of vitamins

I didn’t know how it feels to watch a child trying to tie his shoe laces while his forehead begins to crinkle

I didn’t know how happy, fulfilling and accomplished I am as I watched my child grow and learn, answering his every query about the mysteries of life

Before I was a mom…

I didn’t know how it feels to worry over a sick child as he utters “mama” to me, responding to him with gentle touch

I never thought of safety as an issue for a playground, diners, beach, parks and even inside the house…

Before I was a mom…

I just think of my own sched, I didn’t noticed how time flies and regrets most often…

I just think of the food that I’ll eat for brunch or dinner, and not about the food that a child eats if it really nourishes him

I just think of what will I wear for the day or two and not of a child’s changing sizes on clothes

Before I was a mom…

I didn’t know how it feels to hate people who hated my child… ( rude playmates and people who hates children)

However, I learned that you can’t please everyone, there is always a time that someone will hate your child no matter how you shield him…So, being a mom challenges me to teach my child to be gentle yet strong…

I believe that being a mom teaches me about almost everything in life… things that I never learned before I was a mom

sometimes

sometimes people tend to know what their minds do not usually contemplate or see things even if their eyes are blinded …the truth is just hidden in the sleeves of the alliance…

sometimes people do things that are impossible from what they believe or murmurs sentiments not for themselves…
sometimes people tend to brag what they don’t have or give what they don't possess… could such prosocial acts are concealed under the blankets of self-presentation?
sometimes people see other people as what they are for and not what they are in the simplest ways or feel

sometimes people tend to sell ideas that cannot be grasp by the ordinary just to gain success over the expense of the latter

sometimes people are happy about the other’s defeat for this is only time they experience bliss. thus, savagely feasting for their kill...

sometimes…sometimes…its always "sometimes" …its safer to hear this way, i guess…

but there’s nothing more to argue about it…it doesn’t matter anymore… it happens regardless of the “whys” or the “hows”…

consciousness takes time to evolve when everything just ruined, when it has come to an end… well, it first runs in the veins of passiveness and its being concluded with a guilt…
a wonderful thing passes through unnoticeably and only realized when its vanishing